Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
