So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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