I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
