when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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