Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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