Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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