I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
