i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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