Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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