I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
