It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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