They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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