I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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