I met the friendliest cop last night
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
There are leaves in my underwear?
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