Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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