I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
