Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
