rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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