he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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