so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
