Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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