I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
