Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
