You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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