Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Are we still banned from the library?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
