I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize