Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
