we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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