3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
