Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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