opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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