My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
