dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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