This is not my ceiling
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
