yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize