Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
