11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
