Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
