Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
