ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize