Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
