i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You left your phone here
Wait...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
