remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
