You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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