evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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