i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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