Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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