you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
