U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
