New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
