doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
