those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
