Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
