Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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