I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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