oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
