I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
