You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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