soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize