i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
