Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
