I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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