You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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