my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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