it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
