I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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