went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
