The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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