we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Randomize
