i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Randomize
