I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I deserve this hangover.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize