Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
