to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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