remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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