This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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