Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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