dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
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