i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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