can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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