i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize