Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
