Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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