Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
