I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
