Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Your cock deserves a montage
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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