I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
