It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
