please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
