have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
