I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
