let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
