The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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