$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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