i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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