I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
