I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize