Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
