p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
