I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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