I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
