direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
