i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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