I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize