I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
