God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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