I bet he comes in French.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
