Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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