And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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