Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
