did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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