Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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