Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Randomize
