I feel like abortions should bother me more
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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