Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
