why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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