Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
